


It's okay.

by roslyrena



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boyfriends, M/M, Polyamory, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roslyrena/pseuds/roslyrena
Summary: Jeno was just too emotional these days and it bothered him but he couldn't do anything about it. His boyfriend, Jaemin, was the only one who could help him.





	1. ramen

Jeno was laying down on his bed and was waiting for Jaemin. He would be at home in like 20 minutes and usually Jeno would make some dinner for both so they could enjoy the rest of the day together but today Jeno wasn't in the mood to make some food. He was a little bit emotional and whiny these days and he started to cry because of every single action or emotion — doesn't matter if it was good or bad. 

He was kind of lethargic and didn't do that much. He just had no power. Jeno was staring at the wall and just thought of nothing. He felt empty. No emotions, no cravings to do something. Just laying down, staring at the wall and listening to his own breath. It seemed chill but it was terrible. He couldn't even sleep that much and caught only 2 hours of sleep at night but Jeno thought that it would be enough. Of course it wasn't enough. Jeno was tired all day and it was one of the many reason why he got lethargic. 

He didn't really know why he got so emotional and that was the worst thing which could happen. Jeno was a really joyful person who always smiled — even if it was only his eyesmile. After he knew that he doesn't feel so well he wanted to be happy again (of course) and would do anything for it but he had no power to fight against it. He had no power for anything. After Jaemin went to work Jeno just did nothing. And it was stressful for him.

He didn't even know if it was the 20 minutes before Jaemin came home or maybe later but as soon as he heard that someone unlocked the door and it could be only Jaemin, so it had to be around 7pm. "Jeno? Are you at home", Jaemin shouted. Jeno wanted to shout back but he had no power at all but managed to get up and leave the bedroom. "Hey Jaemin", he almost whispered. "Are you okay? You are really pale. Did you eat something?", Jaemin asked and you could see that he was really worried about Jeno.

Jeno just nodded and went to the kitchen. "Sorry that I didn't cook anything yet", he whispered and took some stuff to start to cook but Jaemin stopped him real quick. "It's okay... Just sit down, I will make some ramen", he said and made Jeno sit down at the kitchen table, took two packs of ramen and cooked some water. Jeno watched Jaemin while cooking and started to smile a little bit. Jaemin was the only one who made him smile these days and he was happy that his boyfriend supported him or atleast tried to. 

The ramen were done after a few minutes and Jaemin put a bowl right in front of Jeno and also sat down. "Here, eat this and eat well", he said and Jeno just answered with "you too". While eating Jeno noticed that Jaemin was kinda nervous. He trembled a little and ate faster than usual. "Jaemin? Is everything okay?", Jeno took all his power together to ask. "Huh? Oh yeah, sure... But I have to tell something", Jaemin answered and Jeno looked at him with a "go on" on his face. 

Jaemin sighed. He thought all day about how to confess to him and had planned every sentence in his head, but suddenly everything was gone and Jaemin stood there without anything. But now there was no way out, so he quickly said, "I think I'm polyamorous." Jeno just looked at Jaemin, but then ate on. "It's okay" he said chilly, looking at the bowl in front of him.

"It's okay?", Jaemin asked and Jeno was annoyed because he only wanted to eat to maybe get some strength. "Yes, it is okay. It's not big deal at all", he said and ate on. "If you say that, then it is okay", Jaemin said and continued to eat and was relieved.


	2. confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't read it and don't know if everything is correct. Gonna edit it later but now I have to prepare tasks for latin tutoring tomorrow. I don't really want to do that tomorrow but I need the money for the Day6 concert well.

"It's okay", Jeno had to laugh. The next day he was in bed again, but this time he thought about his statements. "It's okay" - no, it's not. Jeno had already been in this situation and it wasn't very amusing. When he was with Renjun, the boy also confessed to him that he was polyamorous and then it was really okay for Jeno because he didn't know exactly if it would affect the relationship but he stayed positive and thought that Renjun won't have another boyfriend soon, but well.

Only a few days after the confession Renjun had another boyfriend and in the beginning it was okay because he gave both the same attention and love but also there it was very weird for Jeno. But more and more he was forgotten and abandoned and it broke him so much. He really loved Renjun and being almost ignored by him was so painful that he had to end the relationship, even if it hurt even more. Right from then on Jeno had promised himself that he would never enter into a relationship with a polyamorous person again, no matter how much he loved that person.

And again his day would be wasted by thoughts that burdened him. But how could he think of anything else? The only person who made him happy and loved him could get another partner and neglect Jeno. It just wasn't nice to think about it. He really didn't want to leave Jaemin because he was his only source of joy, but he had to take care of himself. "As long as he doesn't have another boyfriend, everything is fine and you don't have to worry," Jeno whispered to himself to motivate himself a little. He just didn't want to give up the relationship with Jaemin.

He sighed and looked at the clock and saw that there were only five minutes left before Jaemin would come home. Jeno had actually forgotten to make food again. He gave himself a facepalm, moved out of bed towards the kitchen to quickly take 2 packs of ramen, prepare water to boil and set the table. Actually he had no power for it, but Jeno didn't want to disappoint Jaemin again. Just as he had put the ramen in the water, Jaemin turned the key in the door lock and stood in the apartment.

"Hey baby," Jaemin said as he put his bag down and took off his jacket because the kitchen door was still open and he could see Jeno. "Oh hey, I didn't expect you so early, so the food isn't ready yet," Jeno said quietly, trying to make the food as fast as possible. Actually he didn't have the power, but he didn't want to see disappointment in Jaemin's eyes, so he tried. Jaemin sat down at the kitchen table and already the food was ready and they could eat.

Jaemin was surprised that Jeno was better than yesterday, even if it only seemed so. In reality Jeno felt worse than yesterday, because all his thoughts were overexerting him, but he didn't want Jaemin to worry, so he didn't show it. But since Jaemin didn't know that Jeno was so stressed about his polyamoria, he thought it was the right time to confess to him. "Jeno?" "Yeah?" "I have to tell you something...

You know that I'm polyamorous and I think I found out because I think not only I love you but also another person. I know it's strange but you said that it is okay and I don't force you to stay with me either, but I wanted to tell you. I don't think I want to be in such a relationship myself. I know that it comes relatively suddenly, but it has hurt me not to tell you", Jaemin explained and was waiting for a reaction of Jeno but he just sat there and was staring at his bowl filled with ramen.

After like 5 minutes of silence Jeno said: "I am sorry but I can't say anything right now and I just need time - for myself. Please don't follow me, I am going outside", he took his bowl, put it in the sink and left the kitchen, grabbed a jacket and his key and just lef the house. After closing the door behind him, he started running and noticed the first tears flowing from his eyes. Exactly the worst thing he could imagine had happened. The worst case scenario of the worst case scenarios. Right now it couldn't get any worse for Jeno.

He ran to the nearest park to sit on a well-hidden bench and just cried. Why happened so much shit to Jeno lately? What has he done to make all this happen to him? The world was just against Jeno and he felt it very clearly. He just sat there and cried. Why couldn't he be as happy as he used to be? It seemed like there was no day when he wasn't happy before this phase began. Before this lethargy. Before this strand of misfortune. Many people passed him but just ignored him because they thought that he was just drunk but it didn't matter.

He took out his phone and decided to text Jaemin. "Sorry, but I can't answer that today. I'm not in a position to say what I want to say at the moment. I just got to a point where I just can't think anymore and can't think clearly because of different events. Please have patience", Jeno texted. Right after Jaemin read the message he wrote: "I have. It's okay. But I think I know what you're saying. Don't you want to be with me anymore?" Jeno sighed. "No, it's not that... But like I said, I just can't do any more and just cry all the time because of different things and can't think clearly." "Ah, okay. Take care."

Take care. Sure. He was just crying so what should happen to him. Jeno cried for hours and some many people who passed him were staring at him but Jeno didn't really care. His life went down the drain and a few strangers didn't bother him now either. But suddenly Jeno noticed that no more tears came out of his tear gland and that only made the crying worse. It turned into a desperate sigh. It got colder and colder, which is why he finally decided to go home, even if he didn't want to see Jaemin under any circumstances, but he couldn't avoid the meeting.

Jeno had hardly arrived home when he met Jaemin. "Can we please talk? Maybe in the kitchen?" asked Jaemin Jeno and he nodded and followed Jaemin into the kitchen, where both sat opposite each other. Before you say anything - please just let me finish and say everything. I have to say that I already had this situation. I was already in a relationship with a man who was also polyamorous and this destroyed me, like literally. The person forgot about me even more and more and I was not interesting anymore, just when the other person was not available and I am so sick of it. I swore to myself that I would never be in a relationship with a polyamorous person again.

I have nothing against polyamority in itself, but in my own relationship I cannot accept it - for my own protection. I must be selfish. And I don't want to blame you for ignoring me, but I have to go, even if it hurts, but being ignored hurts longer than this. I had to work my way out of a depression on my own and it wasn't easy and it cost me so much power that I can't do it again. I really love you very much and it hurts me so much to have to say that now, but it's better... Even if not for both of us, but I have to stay selfish. I will never forget you, but I must leave you to become happy. At the moment, unfortunately, everything is confused with me and this is the last thing that was missing to completely destroy me. That's why I will leave the apartment first."

Both cried and yes, they loved each other but in the end it was better for them, atleast for Jeno. Jaemin will have another partner, so it won't be such a big problem, Jeno thought. "I didn't really want that our realationship would ever and.. or end like this. I didn't want to hur you so much, I am so sorry", Jaemin said while crying so much. "It's okay", Jeno said, went to the bedroom to grab some clothes and stuff he would need and put it in a bag to leave the house. "I will grab my other stuff later. Take care and... I love you", Jeno said and left the house and before he closed the door behind him he heard a quiet "I love you too" which made him cry so hard. He took out his phone and went through his contacts. "Hello?" "Oh hello Donghyuck, it's Jeno. Can I sleep tonight at your apartment?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the Lion King musical soundtrack of Hambourg and cried omfg. I saw the musical last saturday and cried 9 times well rip. And the dialogues in this chapter may sound fake and not real but some of them are so lol don't judge k thx. It's kinda based on a real story. Btw thanks for over 100 reads!


	3. Chapter 3

Of course, Donghyuck had allowed Jeno to stay with him. When Jeno reached his best friend's house, he broke into tears again, so Donghyuck was very confused, but when Jeno told him the story, he did his best to make his best friend feel well again. It was a very long night for both of them, a lot of tears fell, but finally both of them fell asleep towards 4 a.m. Both were very exhausted; one due to disappointment, the other due to mental overload. The next day started with Donghyuck making Jeno and himself breakfast, despite being very tired due to the short sleep time. He wanted his best friend to be well and as little gestures always make him happy, this was the perfect opportunity.

While he was preparing breakfast, he thought about how Jeno was doing during the relationship. He was happier than before, still met his friends despite the relationship and you could just tell that he was fine and he loved Jaemin. Quite in contrast to the relationship with Renjun. It was obvious how much he loved Renjun and that's exactly why he had so late broken up with him, even though Jeno felt so bad. It was very shocking for Donghyuck when he found out that Jeno had broken up with Jaemin and he didn't even want to imagine how Jeno felt about it. Jaemin surely didn't feel very well either because he was in love with Jeno, but because of his polyamority he had at least one other person he loved and who might have loved him while Jeno was alone now.

Donghyuck was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Jeno suddenly standing in the kitchen. "Hey Hyuck," Jeno said, scaring his best friend. "Oh, I'm sorry I scared you. It wasn't my intention actually." Donghyuck hugged him and said, " It's okay, I was just so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't realize how you got into the kitchen. I also expected you to sleep longer, but now that you are here, we can eat now." He smiled and put two plates filled with food on the table and hinted that Jeno could sit down. "Thank you for making breakfast," Jeno said while enjoying the food. "Oh, that's self-evident", said Donghyuck and continued eating. "No, not at all, above all you let me stay with you, which is why I should make you breakfast and not the other way round..." Donghyuck just shook his head. "Don't say that, you're my best friend and you do things like that for your best friend and I want my smiling little Jeno back. I would do anything to make you happy again." "Thank you for everything", Jeno smiled, but when his phone vibrated and he read the message, his smile disappeared. "Jeno? What happened?", Donghyuck asked. He didn't like that his best friends' smile disappeared that fast because this never happened before. "He texted me." "Who?" "Jaemin."

-

"Are you sure that you wanna do that? I mean it's not going to be easy... For both of you", Donghyuck was worried. "If Jaemin wants to tell me something then he should have the chance", Jeno said convinced. He rang the doorbell and only a few seconds later a whiney Jaemin opened the door. "Thanks for coming and talking to me. And oh, you brought Hyuck. Hello Hyuck," he greeted him, "but can we please talk alone?" Jeno agreed but told him that Donghyuck should comeinside too because it was kinda cold and he shouldn't wait outside alone. But why did he even said that? It was also his appartment, he also paid for it. "You can go in the living room and turn on the TV, if you want", Jaemin said and Donghyuck just went into the living room, while the two other boys went in the kitchen. Both sat down and Jeno waited patiently till Jaemin said something because he asked Jeno to talk and not otherwise.

He had to wait a few minutes but then Jaemin started talking. "You know, I feel so terrible. I lied to you. I'm not polyamorous, I don't love him. I could never love anyone but you. In the last two days of our relationship I met and kissed the person twice, but it was just these two times. I expect everything except that you forgive me. I just want you to know how it really was. I don't know if you can call it cheating, but I think so. I just want you to know that so that I can live on and finish with it." Jeno just stared at Jaemin. 

"So you can finish with that? You are the one who is to blame for this! I don't really know what to say about that, but thank you for at least telling me. I can't describe what's going on inside me right now. I am more shocked than disappointed. I never thought something like this would happen. I know that a person has his needs, but why don't you ask me then why couldn't you kiss me? I don't care if I look like an asshole now, but I have to share my opinion. Sure you regret it and it's understandable, but I just don't get it in my head how you could just pull it off behind my back. And yes, that is cheating. And it's even more blatant that you used being polyamorous as an excuse for cheating. I haven't been well lately, I've been crying most of the time, even when you told me you were polyamorous. It just happened so much and I can't handle it all at once. Donghyuck had to put up with me and somehow tried to cheer me up and I felt a little better but all of this is throwing me back completely now", Jeno was just done.

"I'm so sorry and I understand you're upset, but at least I wanted to tell you", Jaemin said quietly. Jeno got up and went to the kitchen door. "You know what? It's okay. Hyuck, let's go. I am gonna pick up my stuff later." He left the room, Donghyuck looked at him confused, but when Jeno went straight to the front door, he just followed him. After they left the appartment Jeno just started to run. Donghyuck was even more confused than before but he just followed his best friend because he knew that Jeno ran to Hyuck's house. After they arrived there Hyuck asked: "Is it really okay?" "No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally posted the last chapter woooow. I worked on it for about three hours but it's still shit and it may has got mistakes but I don't care... Maybe I'll correct that later but I don't know yet. Have a good day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that I will post the rest till school begins again, sigh
> 
> Edit: Guess what, I did not and I won't post now but maybe in a few weeks. I will post the chapter for sure but so much shit happened to me in the last months and I am not okay. Like my mental health is suffering so much. But stream feel special


End file.
